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New Column 9/16/2022
UCA film school grads add diversity to program
Here’s a look at three of the five grad students from UCA who are shooting their thesis films this year. I’ve been real impressed with how much diversity UCA has pumped into their program. Kudos to them, and good luck to the students.
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Uninvited (1987)
In memory of the recently deceased Clu Gulager, I decided to watch one of his movies… Uninvited from 1987. Now Gulager was in quite a bit of schlock this movie is no different, but he was also in some good stuff like Return of the Living Dead and even The Last Picture Show. But I’m always shocked to see George Kennedy pop up in things like this, I mean he’s an Academy Award winner for Christ’s sake. But I guess when you fall, you fall hard. Supposedly about half the budget of this film was spent on these two guys, which I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Uninvited is that age old story of a demon cat living inside a regular cat, that comes out to kill people, and then promptly crawls back inside the normal cat’s mouth. It’s kinda like a feline version of Malignant from last year.
Why is this cat inside the other cat? We have no clue, as there’s no backstory given. As the opening credits play, we see the cat at a research facility maul everyone inside and escape. Why did they place a cat inside another cat? Why did they make its bite venomous? The world will never know, as right after the credits we abruptly switch genres.
Yes, we see two girls get involved with a sleazy business man, who drowns one of his partners in a hot tub. We are now in a crime thriller. And not even 20 minutes into the movie are we introduced to our “surviving couple”. Structure-wise, the “final girl” is usually on screen early on, that way you can develop their character.
The cat, the businessman, and the beach babes all find their way onto a fancy yacht. And then we switch back into slasher mode as this cat starts hunting down everyone, one by one.
It’s just the damndest thing, this plot. It’s like two separate screenplays got randomly shuffled together. I wonder what idea came first, “we’ll strand gangsters on a boat… but then what happens… let’s add in a devil cat.” Or did they want to make a demon cat movie and had trouble on figuring how to make the cat less evadable, so we’ll just throw some randomly generated characters on a boat.
There’s some decent special effects, the blood looks good. The evil cat muppet is adorable, but they only used two cat sounds throughout the entire movie, which gets really annoying quick. The sound design is really bad. The music is garbage and unfitting, Clu Gulager is wearing some weird bucky beaver fake teeth.
There’s not much to see here with this movie, unless you want a good laugh, or if you’re curious to see a cat crawl out of another cat’s mouth.
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New West (2022)
It’s been about two weeks since I watched Jordan Mears new feature film New West at its premiere at the Ron Robinson Theater in Little Rock. As everyone in the jam packed theater was laughing at the new age western about a man in a horse mask seeking revenge for the cold blooded murder of his drunken former partner in crime/former musical partner, I was sitting in my seat going through my mental rolodex of films in my head trying to figure out what movies to compare New West to… which was very difficult, as New West is incredibly irreverent, raunchy, and original. The closest thing I could compare it to was the Zucker Brother’s comedies of the 80s and 90s, like Naked Gun and Airplane.
Like those movies New West comes firing on all cylinders with jokes, lots of them, sometimes it feels like the jokes are coming at 100 jokes a minute, which isn’t a bad thing, as long as the jokes are good. And based on the reaction from the audience, more than 60% of the jokes were landing, which is a good average for this type of comedy. There was really only one dead, humorless area of the movie that just didn’t land, and that was toward the climax during a long Dodgeball-esque sports sequence between our hero and antagonist. The sequence just overstays its welcome. But other than that, there’s plenty of solid jokes. I liked some of the sillier slap sticky jokes. There’s even a bit of raunchy humor, one scene involving a moist sexual pleasuring toy. I actually wanted to see a bit more raunch. I feel like the writers kinda held back. I would have like to have seen the jokes they could have came up with if they would have gone balls to the wall, figuratively.
The best thing about the movie is that it has a personality. And that’s probably one of the best compliments I can give any movie that was shot in Arkansas, as I’ve seen way too many Arkansas shorts. Most stuff produced in this state (including some of my own films) feel like they lack a reason to exist. It’s people making movies just to make movies. With New West, you can feel the passion put into it. It’s in every frame, in every joke. And on top of that, the movie is well crafted, the images look good, the visual effects fit the tone. The audio is crisp and clear. The movie even makes the bold decision to treat its plot and characters seriously. Even though the main character is a guy in a rubber horse mask, the movie never winks at the audience and says “look at the guy in the rubber mask, isn’t it silly”, and that’s a good thing because jokes like that would have gotten tiresome real quick. Mears takes the time to get you invested in the masked horseman’s story of bloody revenge, and he succeeds.
But there was one big issue with the movie that really bugged the shit out of me. The movie is 45 minutes long. And that’s such an awkward length for a film. Pacing wise the movie was going fine for the first act, we get a bit of a prologue, then we reach the inciting incident, we get to the act 1 climax, then acts two starts. And about 5 minutes later act two is over and we’re into act three. So basically the second act feels really rushed and basically non existent. By the end of act one I was ready to go on a Lebowski-esque ride with this horse to find out who killed his cowboy. But unfortunately we don’t get that part of the journey.
But there was a second thing during the premiere that kinda rubbed me the wrong way, but it didn’t have anything to do with the actual film. Once during the introduction and twice during the post screening Q&A, Jordan Mears called his movie “stupid”. And based off his tone, he wasn’t meaning “stupid” as in the movie is sophomoric with tons of dick and fart jokes. His tone was more self deprecating, almost like he was giving permission to the audience to not take the film seriously, all before they could see a single frame. In a harsh, unfair comparison, it was kinda like watching someone call their first born child stupid. And maybe it might have been nerves, or an uncertainty of how the audience would react to the vulgarness of New West, or maybe I’m reading more into than I should. But Jordan shouldn’t call New West stupid, he shouldn’t be ashamed of it. He has created a piece of art and no audience should be given permission to not take it seriously, even though the movie is quite silly.
